Kirby on gay marriage: It's official - I don't care

From the Salt Lake Tribune:

A couple of years ago, I wrote a column in which I announced my official position on gay marriage. Basically, I don't care.
Not only do I not care if gays get married, it is none of my business. As a flaming heterosexual, it's a full-time job for me just to keep my thoughts clean in church. I don't have the energy to fret about somebody else's libido.
The column must have resurfaced on the Internet. I'm getting mail again telling me what a failure I am as a Mormon because I'm not solidly behind Proposition 8. As I understand it, the California ballot item would prevent the domestication of homosexuals. Or something like that.
Here are just a few of the attempts to get me to see reason.
"Are you a member or not? Do you want gays to get married in the temple? Please follow the brotheren's [sic] council [sic] on Proposition 8. This is a important gospel principal [sic]." G., e-mail.
"No unclean thing can enter the house of the Lord. Gays are unclean because of the Scriptures. You have to be hot or cold about it or the Lord will spat you out." T., e-mail.
"Were you listening in church when the letter was read from the First Presidency about supporting proposition eight?" R.Y., e-mail.
"Get with Prop 8 or your [sic] a homo." Anonymous, letter.
Hard as it is to counter such brilliant logic, my position hasn't changed. The only serious concern I have about gays getting married is that they'll register someplace pricey.
The church is serious about the sanctity of marriage. I get that. But aren't more potentially "dangerous" marriages already being performed out there?
For example, I hear in church all the time about marriage being ordained of God. But I also hear about how the glory of God is intelligence.
Shouldn't it be against the law for stupid people to get married? What's more harmful to society - two well-dressed men getting married and settling down, or two idiots tying the knot and cranking out any number of additional idiots?
You should have to pass a harder test to get married than the one we currently have. Essentially, there are but two questions: "How old are you?" and "Is that your sister?" Hell, you could pass this test just by guessing.
There are drawbacks. Most people get married when hormones and youth make them about as dumb as they'll ever be. So, even a relatively easy test would by default raise the age limit to about 40.
With an increased marriage age limit, there would be fewer births. Genealogy would become easier to do. With fewer births, there would be fewer children born gay. Hey, isn't that what Heavenly Father would want?
OK, I was just kidding about that. But if you're really serious about putting a stop to gay sex, let them get married.
rkirby@sltrib.com

Read the original article at www.sltrib.com...

I'm French...ish. Be nice.

Okay, here's a thought: Let's stop pissing on the French.  I'm tired of hearing about "those sissy French people".  Really.  And the "Freedom Fries" movement post 9/11 was patently offensive.  At least one of my ancestors is French.  Here's how Bill Maher put it:  (be warned, it's a little risque)

And finally, New Rule: Conservatives have to stop rolling their eyes every time they hear the word, "France." Like just calling something "French" is the ultimate argument winner. As if to say, "What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?" 

And, yet, an American politician could not survive if he uttered the simple, true statement, "France has a better health care system than we do, and we should steal it." Because here, simply dismissing an idea as French passes for an argument. "John Kerry? Couldn't vote for him; he looked French." Yeah, as opposed to the other guy who just looked stupid. 

Now, last week, France had an election, and people over there approach an election differently. They vote. Eighty-five percent of them turned out. You couldn't get 85% of Americans to get off the couch if there was an election between "Tits" and "Bigger Tits," and they were handing out free samples! 

Now, maybe the high turnout has something to do with the fact that the French candidates are never asked where they stand on evolution, prayer in school, abortion, stem cell research or gay marriage. And if the candidate knows about a character in a book other than Jesus, it's not a drawback. 

The electorate doesn't vote for the guy they want to have a croissant with; nor do they care about private lives. In the current race, Ségolène Royal has four kids, but she never got married. And she's a Socialist. In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him "liberal," he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something! 

Madame Royal's opponent is married, but they live apart and lead separate lives. And the people are okay with that for the same reason they're okay with nude beaches; because they're not a nation of six-year-olds who scream and giggle if they see pee-pee parts! 

They have weird ideas about privacy. They think it should be private. In France, even the mistresses have mistresses. To not have a lady on the side says to the voters, "I'm no good at multi-tasking." 

Now, like any country, France has its faults, like all that ridiculous accordion music. But, their health care is the best in the industrialized world. As is their poverty rate. And they're completely independent of Mid East oil. And they're the greenest country. And they're not fat. And they have public intellectuals in France. We have Dr. Phil! 

They invented sex during the day, lingerie and the tongue. Can't we admit we could learn something from them? 

So, from now on, all you high-ranking Bush Administration officials, because the French are righter than you on most things, when France comes up in conversation, you are not allowed to roll your eyes. The only time you get to do that is when your hooker from Ms. Julia is blowing you.

And a link to the video here.

There's something brewing in SLC...

I've received the following e-mail in various forms from several people:

Not since the Stonewall Riots of 1969 in San Francisco have we as a community really stood up for our rights in a determined way. Our Pride Parades are an event, not a protest. Our court battles are fought by few while we watch from the comfort of our living rooms. Our petitions we sign while shopping online.

Society as a whole underestimates us. They underestimate our size. They underestimate our determination. They underestimate our conviction. They underestimate our power. Now is the time that we need to remind them.

This week the religious activists in California decided to take our civil rights, which they take for granted, and they put it up for a majority vote. Even more despicable than voting to take away rights of a minority is the fact that major religions, especially the Mormon Church, dedicated, and in some instances mandated, that their members dedicate time and money to passing this discriminatory cause.

I move that we rally at the heart of their operations. Let's march around Temple Square and the Church Office Building. Let's show them that we are many, that we are powerful, and that we will not sit idle as they force their religion into our lives and into national politics.

I've contacted the City and the SLPD and have organized a protest rally on Friday, November 7th at 6pm. Please show up with your posters, flags and banners (and dress warmly and fabulously!) . We will meet on State Street at Temple Square. Bring your friends and your relatives. Pass this message along to EVERYONE you know who has any respect for the rights of other people. Let's show the Church
that we've had enough of their political influence in our lifes!

Jacob W.

Intending no disrespect to either side of the argument, I feel I need to respond. This is an abridged e-mail I sent back to a dear friend who forwarded the original:

Thanks for the e-mail. I read this, and I must admit when I heard the news that Prop 8 had officially passed, I felt like taking to the streets. But after much consideration I've decided that picketing a religious organization is pointless. Yes, there's injustice in the world. And yes, the LDS Church strongly supported the codification of that injustice into law. What they did was wrong, and I firmly believe it overstepped the bounds of a religious society, enforcing faith-based legislation on a population that is already marginalized.

But picketing the church office building? It seems like all the righteous indignation we're feeling could be directed better at something more productive. I don't anticipate the church will ever change their beliefs on gays in society. And a formal protest directing anger at the LDS Church seems akin to banging ones head against the granite wall of the Salt Lake Temple.

Perhaps there's a way to channel the indignation into something productive. Many of my close friends have requested their names be removed from church records. I'll be getting more actively involved in organizations that promote equality. I am writing letters to people in power on both sides of the issue, pleading for understanding. And most importantly, I'm living my life openly and honestly. I think above all it's absolutely vital for gay people everywhere to be VISIBLE in their contributions to society. The younger generation voted overwhelmingly against Prop 8 in California. Change IS coming. If not in this generation, in the next. And for us to create lasting change, the fight for equality cannot be a fight at all. Fighting closes minds. But a gay person, couple, family...living openly and honestly, contributing to society...THAT challenges misconceptions. If I have a bias and my neighbors are a visible contradiction to my bias, then even if I doggedly hold onto my prejudice out of fear, my kids will see the truth and most likely choose accordingly. When enough people live the contradiction, the prejudices inevitably crumble.

The gay community's hurt and anger are justified. I share in those feelings. And I respect the rights of anyone to express their indignation in the form of protest. But I believe there is a better way. Ultimately, this protest will accomplish little beyond a news blip, unless (as in the case of the Stonewall Riots) things get ugly. If belligerence or disrespectful language or violence ensues, the divide between the LDS community and the Gay community will widen, setting back the movement for equality. I firmly believe love, understanding, patience, and above all, visible honest living will be the means of forever securing equal rights for our children.

Thanks for passing the message to me. I wish you nothing but the best. And tonight, if you do choose to protest, please be respectful...and safe.

Say something funny

In light of the intensely passionate debate spawned by my last blog post, I think it's important to look at something a little lighter. From www.theonion.com:

Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job

WASHINGTON—African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can't catch a break."

In the wake of Prop 8

Last night I was thrilled to see the country elect Barack Obama as the next President of the United States. On this same historic night, California voters passed a proposed amendment to the California state constitution that bans same-sex marriage. At the request of LDS leaders, the proposition was largely supported by members of the LDS church, both financially and otherwise.

I recalled a Sunday School lesson from my childhood (way back in the late 70's) where the teacher mentioned that the church discouraged interracial marriage, though her explanation was that people of different backgrounds have a hard time making it work. While it seemed a little odd at the time that skin color constituted a "different background," I didn't think much of it.

Now, with nearly 18,000 marriages about to be arbitrarily dissolved by public referendum and the unmarried gay population barred from the institution, it seems appropriate to examine the church's changing position on interracial marriage. I dug around, found a whole bunch of quotes (including a single website that listed some pretty offensive stuff), and decided that publishing them here would be nothing short of "sour grapes." Suffice it to say, on civil rights matters, the LDS church as an organization tends to be consistently 20 years behind the nation. Anyway instead of sour grapes, here is a quote on civil rights by Elder Hugh B. Brown:

"During recent months, both in Salt Lake City and across the nation, considerable interest has been expressed in the position of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on the matter of civil rights. We would like it to be known that there is in this Church no doctrine, belief, or practice that is intended to deny the enjoyment of full civil rights by any person regardless of race, color, or creed.

We say again, as we have said many times before, that we believe that all men are the children of the same God and that it is a moral evil for any person or group of persons to deny any human being the rights to gainful employment, to full educational opportunity, and to every privilege of citizenship, just as it is a moral evil to deny him the right to worship according to the dictates of his own conscience.

We have consistently and persistently upheld the Constitution of the United States, and as far as we are concerned this means upholding the constitutional rights of every citizen of the United States.

We call upon all men everywhere, both within and outside the Church, to commit themselves to the establishment of full civil equality for all of God's children. Anything less than this defeats our high ideal of the brotherhood of man." —General Conference, October 6, 1963

My heart breaks for our gay brothers and sisters in California whose families have been the victims of the recent capricious actions of the so-called "Christian" community. The gospel of Jesus Christ, in my understanding, is based on love. The LDS church advocates that everyone should be allowed "to worship how, where, or what they may." And Joseph Smith, when asked how he led the church said that he taught the members correct principles and let them govern themselves. For a group of churches to legislate their beliefs on other people is nothing short of a violation of the principles of agency for which LDS people believe "the war in heaven" was waged.

How's this for a better approach? Perhaps we should teach our children "correct principles" and let them govern themselves rather than legislate our religious views on each other.

Or better still, let's simply love one another.

Third Grade Gay

Don't be a douche...

Four Liters...

I got a free t-shirt today for buying three 20 oz diet cokes. I bought three diet cokes because this morning on my way to work, right after buying two diet cokes at the University Bookstore, I noticed that if you buy three you get a free t-shirt. So after lunch (which consisted of a burrito and a 32 oz diet coke) I dropped by the bookstore to get my t-shirt...and three diet cokes.

Lets do some math:
2 x 20 oz = 40 oz
+ 32 oz = 72 oz
+ 60 oz (3 x 20 oz) = 132 oz

According to sciencemadesimple.net, 132 fl oz is 3.9 liters...

NEARLY FOUR LITERS???? I'm drinking too much diet coke.



P.S. They didn't have the t-shirt in my size. Not to worry, with all the diet coke I'm drinking I'll fit in my new t-shirt in no time! Ironically, the slogan on the t-shirt: "Not wasted"

I voted today

For Obama, of course. And while I kinda feel like my vote for Obama was just flushed down the Utah toilet, I feel like I made the right choice. And so does Opie:

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Seriously, who could argue with that?

In other news, I just ran across mormonsformarriage.com. What a refreshing look at the Prop 8 debate in California...and from an LDS perspective too!

Dirty Laundry

I brought my dirty laundry to work. No, I won't be asking the costume department to wash it for me...though that would be cool. It's just easier to swing by the laundromat on the way home. Besides, in a duffel bag, it looks like I'm going to work out when I'm off.

Best Advice on the Web

I am pleased to introduce the best, dare I say, ONLY place I get my advice:

http://askanyoneever.blogspot.com/

That is all.