A letter to President Monson

This is a letter I sent the day I wrote my letter removing my name from LDS Church records. No apologies...no edits...it is what it is.

November 12, 2008

President Thomas S. Monson
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
50 E. North Temple
Salt Lake City, Utah 84150

Dear President Monson,

I hope this letter finds you well. My name is Brandon Suisse. You might remember my family name from a small branch of the church in Sarnia, Canada during your service there as a mission president. Growing up, I used to love to hear my grandmother speak of the special place you occupy in her heart, both for your service as a mission president and as a general authority. Time and time again, my grandmother spoke of you with deepest reverence and love: cherished traits I learned in large part from her. It is in that spirit of reverence that I write to you today about a matter that I am certain has weighed heavily in the minds and hearts of the brethren – a conflict which, after much heartache and anguish, led me to withdraw from the fellowship of the saints.

In light of recent events, I formally withdrew my name from the records of the Church today, offering up my sincere hope that the Church will find a solution that heals the rift between the children of God suffering on both sides of this conflict. Please know that I bear no animosity or ill will toward the Church or its members. On the contrary, I owe a debt of gratitude for the influence of the Church's teachings and programs in my early development and my relationship with my family.

It will come as no surprise that my decision to withdraw from the Church is based primarily in the church's strained relationship with our gay brothers and sisters. Understanding the position of the Church on the importance family relationships, it breaks my heart that an organization which is responsible for so much good in the world would actively seek to destabilize the family units that our gay brothers and sisters and their children so desperately crave. With all the challenges families of all kinds face, the stabilizing effects of marriage, complete with its legal and social implications as well as its solemn responsibilities, are vital to every family’s well-being. While I am not naïve enough to expect the church to change its stance on homosexuality, I would hope that in the future, for the sake of gay families everywhere, the Church will temper its zeal with compassion and restraint, confining its opposition within the walls of the meetinghouse and keeping it out of the legislative process. That said, I respect your rights to believe and teach as you will regarding homosexuality, and if you truly believe homosexual unions are contrary to God's plan for his children, I will always defend your right to limit the marriages you perform accordingly. It is my sincere hope that one day you will extend the same privilege to the gay community, letting them enter into the institution of civil marriage according to the dictates of their own conscience.

Marriage is a sacred institution, sanctified not only in the churches, but also in the daily lives of its participants. By excluding our gay brothers and sisters from its benefits and responsibilities, I believe that we are and teaching our children that this segment of the population is comprised of souls of lesser worth in the sight of God—His children who are somehow undeserving of His fullest blessings because of how He created them. This does nothing to strengthen the institution of marriage. On the contrary, I fear it will cheapen marriage in the eyes of our children and their children. It does not serve the Church or society to devalue marriage by making it an exclusionist institution. Rather, extending the responsibilities of the marriage vows to the gay community will not only help to stabilize the gay community's familial relationships, but it will also shore up the institution of marriage for future generations who will likely be reluctant to participate in an institution tainted with bias against their gay brothers and sisters.

Please forgive me if anything I have said has carried any tone of disrespect. I am convinced that even perceived disrespect on either side of an issue blocks the avenues of communication, and nothing could be further from the sincerest desires of my heart, especially in this delicate and important matter. If anything I have said has caused offense, please forgive my shortcomings in writing today. Moreover, please accept my deepest gratitude for taking the time to hear me out.

May God bless you for the immeasurable good you have done, and the good you surely will continue to do, in the world. And may God grant us all the patience and respect and insight to deal positively with our differences on this important issue in a way that protects and strengthens all families, gay and straight.


Respectfully

Three Reasonable Guesses

No, this isn't where I post three reasonable guesses why someone is ignoring me. I'm gonna attempt to discuss the "If you really cared, you would know why I'm mad at you" mentality. Before I begin I need to say that this post is not intended to belittle anyone's pain. Pain exists. And despite our best efforts, every one of us causes pain. Both in ourselves and in others. The important thing is to avoid causing pain if possible and, when we inevitably do hurt someone or get hurt ourselves, to find the best way to heal.

Yesterday I was asked to make three reasonable guesses what I did to make a close friend ignore my calls. I responded with "Is it because I didn't tell you about the third nipple?" This elicited a laugh, but did nothing to start an open discussion about whatever is bothering my friend.

I hate it when I hurt people. Anybody who knows me knows that I would never intentionally hurt anyone...which it all the more unbearable when someone holds onto unintentional hurt I've caused. My feeling is that when I've hurt someone, regardless of whether it was intentional, it's my responsibility to do what I can to make it better. On the other hand when I'm hurting, if I truly want to resolve the hurt, it's my responsibility to be open and face the cause of the pain. If two people can't discuss the hurt between them openly, they have little hope of resolving it.

I guess the point is, I'm a little frustrated that instead of acknowledging a specific thing I've done that caused pain and dealing with it, this friend expects me to "search my soul" for every possible slight and list the top three. This exercise isn't designed to address and fix the individual's pain, it seems designed simply to humiliates me. Rather than resolving a problem, we're just causing more pain and spreading it around.

When you go to a doctor, he or she always asks you what's wrong. "Tell me where it hurts." If we respond with "If you were any kind of a doctor, you'd know already" or "I won't tell you until you've made three reasonable guesses" most ailments would never be adequately addressed. Of course, this analogy comes up short because doctors usually aren't the ones who caused the ailment. Still, if we expect to have any productive discourse about the problem, it is the patient's responsibility to be forthright. And in the case of two people who care about each other, expecting the other person to make a list of all the ways they could have possibly hurt you is nothing short of vindictive. The ONLY outcome of such a list is more hurt.

Emotional pain is deeply personal. It's also inevitable. Bouncing around this crowded little planet, it's impossible to avoid stepping on each other's toes. What makes coexistence possible is that we try not to do it intentionally, and when we inevitably do hurt each other, we should do everything possible to resolve it. As far as I can tell, the path to healing is as personal as the pain. If we're lucky, we have good friends (surprisingly often the ones who hurt us in the first place) who love us and want to help us heal. But the choice to begin the healing process (and the choice to allow those who caused the hurt to participate in the healing) belongs solely to the person who is hurting.

Sadly, to protect ourselves from additional hurt, it's easier to shut people out. And seeing those who have hurt us pay for their crime is supremely gratifying. But in every-day interactions between people who have an interest in each other's well-being, both courses are ultimately counterproductive. Neither addresses the hurt, and both exclude the "guilty" party from participation in the healing.

So, I hope it makes sense that I choose not to make three reasonable guesses. In my mind there is no such thing. When I choose to respond with a smartass remark instead a "reasonable guess", it's because that is the only response that makes sense to me. So if you want more smartass remarks, I've got a whole bag of 'em. But if you want to work through the pain...tell me where it hurts.

Just when you thought it was safe to step outside...

Prop 8: The Musical!!!

With an all-star cast!

These are very popular in Italy...

PTC's production of The Light in the Piazza may well be the first PTC show with onstage nudity. Never mind that they decapitated and de-limbed said nudist. Oh well...



For the "uncensored" version, click here.

RIP 13

It's closing. According to playbill.com:

13, the new middle school-set musical with songs by Tony Award winner Jason Robert Brown, will play its final performance at the Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre Jan. 4, 2009.

Directed by Jeremy Sams, the new musical that features a cast and orchestra composed of teenagers began previews on Broadway Sept. 16 and officially opened Oct. 5. When it closes, 13 will have played a total of 22 previews and 105 regular performances.

I sincerely hope my enthusiasm didn't curse the show. Sigh...

I'm disappointed...

From the Salt Lake Tribune:

More than mischief: Are recent acts of church vandalism tied to bigotry?
By Steve Gehrke
The Salt Lake Tribune
11/24/2008

They've come in the form of a burning Book of Mormon, shattered glass doors, mysterious white powder, graffiti and even a flaming plastic plant. A recent rash of crimes has swept churches along the Wasatch Front and peppered areas of California since Proposition 8, backed by the LDS Church, banned gay marriage there.

While Utah police have not officially connected the vandalism here to Prop 8, it's clear incidents once viewed by many as neighborhood mischief have taken on a new significance and political overtone. Overall, incidents of vandalism at churches, synagogues, temples and other religious buildings in Utah have been rising steadily since 2003.

"We've been watching [churches] a lot closer," said Wayne Hansen, chief
of police in Farmington, where a wall outside an LDS church was tagged Wednesday with the message, "Nobody is born a biggot," [sic] and accompanied by a smiley face and a heart.

While vandals target hundreds of religious buildings each year in Utah, some police officers say the recent incidents are particularly strange because perpetrators are leaving businesses, neighborhoods and car windows untouched.

"This is a little different," said Ogden Police Lt. Scott Sangberg, adding that he has seen nothing like this church-focused crime wave in the 26 years he has lived in Ogden. "Does it look a little suspicious that all these things are happening since Proposition 8? It sure does, but we don't have any witnesses to help pinpoint, accuse or even make an arrest."

Juan Becerra, local spokesman with the Federal Bureau of Investigations, said the FBI is trying to determine whether the crimes qualify as civil-rights violations. "There's been too much that has happened in a short period of time," he said. Recent crimes include mysterious packages of white powder being mailed to LDS temples in Salt Lake City and Los Angeles, as well as a Catholic Knights of Columbus printing press in Connecticut; a burning Book of Mormon left on the steps of an LDS chapel in Colorado; a plant set afire inside Weber State University's LDS Institute building; a junior high seminary evacuated after a mysterious letter arrived; and vandals shooting BBs through the glass doors of at least six LDS meeting houses through Weber and Davis counties as well as one in Sandy City.

Some local Mormon leaders downplay the events.

"We don't have a lot of vandalism out there, so it was a bit of a surprise," said Bishop Lance Garner of the vandalized Oak Forest Young Adults Ward in Layton. "But it wasn't a big deal in my ward.

"Proposition 8 passed through our minds, and we wondered about the connection, but quite honestly, I don't think anybody knows that for sure."

Others are more inclined to blame politics.

Bishop Richard Lambert, who meets at the vandalized South Ogden Highlands Ward, said some members of his congregation assume a Proposition 8 tie.

"The timing is just suspicious," he said. "We, as members of the church, just exercised our political will, and it's unfortunate that they're blaming one organization."

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints declined to comment on the recent crimes in Utah, but recently released a statement calling directly on its political opponents to calm the attacks.

"Attacks on churches and intimidation of people of faith have no place in civil discourse over controversial issues."

Many members of the gay community likewise are urging calm until the authorities can find those responsible. Directors of the Utah Pride Center and Equality Utah -- which work with gay, lesbian and transgender causes -- said they are "deeply troubled" by the crime wave.

"Our hearts go out to the church members that are afraid to go to church as a result of those attacks," said Utah Pride Center Executive Director Valerie Larabee. "It would be natural to draw a conclusion that it is the gay community that's doing this, but that's a very dangerous conclusion."

Larabee said there has been a rise in energy among people who support equality since Proposition 8 passed, but she regrets that many are using their emotions in what she called negative ways.

Equality Utah Executive Director Mike Thompson said his organization is working to find commonalities with the LDS church and push for incremental advances.

Although there has been an abundance of vandalism at Mormon wardhouses in recent weeks, it's just a part of the picture. Statistics from the state Bureau of Criminal Identification show hundreds of crimes are reported on religious properties around the state from year to year -- from kidnappings and aggravated assaults to intimidation and burglary.

In 2006, police agencies statewide reported more than 300 incidents of vandalism at churches, Synagogues, temples and other religious buildings.

The FBI reported 15 religion-related hate crimes in Utah in 2007 and nine related to sexual orientation, up from an equal six and six in 2006. The FBI investigated more hate crimes involving sexual orientation than religion in the vast majority of U.S. states.

If criminals are caught for church vandalism, they could be prosecuted under Utah's new hate crime law, which legislators crafted in 2007 to harden punishments for criminals who intend to "terrorize or intimidate."

Davis County Attorney Troy Rawlings said the law's application would simply depend on the facts and circumstances of the case. Prosecutors would have to show the criminals' intent was to intimidate members of the church congregations.

"It would be based upon both what they say in interviews, what they tell others about what they did, and what message was communicated," Rawlings said.

A hate crime conviction would stiffen misdemeanor charges. It would add an aggravating factor to a felony crime, sending a signal to judges and pardons and parole boards.

While Utah has been the focus of the recent rash of LDS-church vandalism, California saw heated protests and sporadic crimes sweep across that state.

But for the most part, California police said Prop-8 related crime there subsided after the election.

"Anytime you have a huge group of people who feel very strongly about an issue, a few will cross the line, unfortunately," said Sacramento Sgt. Matt Young. "It's unfortunate that it occurs on either side because they're not representative of the majority."

As far as Utah's crime spree goes, some LDS church members are more closely monitoring their ward houses for the time being.

Said Sangberg: "This is one of those political hot potatoes that can either stay hot for a long time, or it can begin to go away shortly. It all depends on the atmosphere or climate of the country."

Recent Prop 8-related charges

• Assault » A Torrance, Calif., man is charged with a felony hate-crime assault for allegedly using an anti-gay marriage lawn sign to attack a gay man wearing a "No on 8" button.
• Vandalism » San Jose, Calif., police were called to a house in the southern part of town after homeowners reported their garage had been spray-painted with "No on 8" messages. The homeowners had signs on their lawn supporting the measure.
• Theft » Police in a Sacramento suburb arrested three teens after finding 53 stolen "Yes on 8" signs in their car.
• Vandalism » A Utah man reported his lawn sign, opposing the LDS church's role in politics, was set on fire outside his home near 900 East and 900 South.

This just makes me sick. Seriously, where the hell is the tolerance? Where's the compassion? Do I need to start another rant about gays learning to practice tolerance and Mormons learning to practice compassion? We're all a bunch of friggin' hypocrites and I'm embarrassed to be associated with either group.

So. Very. Cute.

Sigh...I want a puppy...

(and no, there isn't a point to it...you're just watching a live feed of a whole bunch of cute, cute puppies)

Call me a nerd, but...

I was just listening to the Broadway cast recording of Jason Robert Brown's new musical 13. The gimmick behind the musical is that it's a show about 13-year olds. Thirteen 13-year-olds, to be exact. But the score is fun and fresh, the kids are talented, and it's been in permanent rotation on my iPod since the day it was released on iTunes.

So today as I was commuting to work, I was listening to the show's peppy, yet rhythmically quirky title song. Actually the quirkiness is only in the chorus. Anyway, as I was listening I made a delightful discovery about those quirky rhythms. Care to guess? Here's the song...pay special attention to the time signature during the chorus:

CLICK HERE TO LEGALLY DOWNLOAD THE TITLE SONG FROM www.13themusical.com! Or for kicks, go explore the website. They've got five songs from the show streaming at http://www.13themusical.com/music/.

Before you keep reading, make sure you've listened to the song. Do it! I'll listen with you.

la la la dum de dum dum la la deedle deedle doooo dum ditty la la la la woah woah ba dee ba dah...

Wasn't that fun? Anyway, did you get it? Those oddly structured measures are grouped into a group of six beats, followed by a group of seven. Six plus seven equals...you got it, thirteen! To make matters even more exciting, start counting when the pattern begins and when you get to the number 13, the kids all sing "Thirteen!" Yeah, it's gimmicky and only the die-hard theatre nerds are gonna pick up on it, but I think it's brilliant. Very few people out there are gonna be as giddy about this as me, and that's fine. But I'm certain that Jason Robert Brown wrote that passage with the nerds in mind. So now I've got the song stuck in my head...and that's not necessarily a bad thing for now.

And now a word from Keith Olbermann

Please watch this:




Or read a transcript at The Huffington Post.

Play nice, dammit!

Yesterday, in a press conference, Equality Utah took the first truly productive step in the Post-Prop 8 debate. They asked the LDS Church to stand behind its statements about fundamental rights of same-sex couples and support proposed measures to extend those rights to same-sex couples in Utah. Bravo, Equality Utah! (For specifics, go to www.equalityutah.org or click here for a full transcript of the press conference.)

Since the passage of Prop 8 I have been incredibly disheartened by the anger and the name-calling and the calls for retaliation (as in "Let's have the LDS Church's tax exempt status revoked!"). I see nothing productive in such behavior. Quite the contrary, being argumentative and vindictive only solidifies the opposition, and it tends to drive away those who haven't "taken a side" yet.

Yes, we're hurt. Yes, we want someone to blame. Yes, the LDS Church's financial support of the measure was hugely disproportionate to it's actual presence in California. Yes, it's completely unfair. And yes, the LDS Church is a really easy target. But we're not kindergarteners, squabbling over who gets to play in a sandbox. Kicking dirt in each other's eyes accomplishes nothing.

So after a heartfelt conversation on the subject, a friend pointed me to this article in The Huffington Post, which really sums things up well. It was nice to know someone else shares my views.

And then Equality Utah had it's press conference. At last, I thought, something productive from the gay community. Move past the protests and find a way to work with "the opposition" to make much-needed changes. Then, in the reader responses to the Salt Lake Tribune and Deseret News articles, Equality Utah is being accused of trying to "draw them in to a politically charged environment that they have no interest in and would only serve to hype the gay agenda further." The detractors are implying that the church leaders' words are being twisted to further causes that hurt the church.

Seriously?

I mean SERIOUSLY?

Everybody automatically jumps to the conclusion that Equality Utah is trying to twist the words of the LDS Church for some agenda that undermines the blah blah yadda yadda blah…

To BOTH sides of the argument: Why does it always have to be “Us versus Them” in EVERYTHING. How the hell are we supposed to accomplish anything without working together. Otherwise rational people sit on either side of the aisle, basking in their own self-important righteous indignation, thumbing their noses at the opposition, and then they honestly expect the opposition to simply cave in. WTF??? Let’s force our venom and our disdain for the opposition’s heart-felt beliefs down each other’s throats and see where it gets us.

I'm so sick of all this bullshit. (Pardon the expression, but you did click the "I understand and wish to continue" button on my content warning page.)

To the LDS community: You claim to be Christians? Start behaving like real Christians. Not the televangelists, I mean the people who genuinely try to act like Jesus. The statement "we love our gay brothers and sisters" sounds so hollow when everything you do is in an attempt to deny them basic human dignity. Regardless of the genuine concern you feel in your heart for all mankind...when you say "I love you, even if I disagree with you" and then you actively work time and time again to strip gays of over 1,300 federal and state rights that the marriage fairy magically bestows on any straight couple who haphazardly says "I do"...do you really think anybody can hear the "I love you" over your actions?*

And to the gay community: You claim to be open-minded and accepting? How about actively practicing that by accepting the Mormons. If you honestly believe you're entitled to free exercise of your values, you have to give that right to everyone else...even those who disagree with you. ESPECIALLY those who agree with you. Your rights to free speech and freedom of religion aren't worth a thing if you can't give those rights to someone whose beliefs are in direct opposition to yours. And until you grow up and stop behaving like a children, throwing temper tantrums every time somebody does something you don't like, you'll never get out of "equal marriage rights time-out."*

Like it or not, we have to live together, with all our diversity of opinion. Personally, I think that's actually a good thing. It's been said that our diversity makes our nation strong, and I believe that's because of our ability to bring our differences to the table and work together for the common good. It breaks my heart that so many people are angrily storming away from the church over this issue. But that's their right. What truly saddens me is that the form letter that's been written to facilitate withdrawal from the church ends with this sentence: "After today, the only contact I want from the church is a single letter of confirmation to let me know that I am no longer listed as a member of the church," effectively cutting off communication.

Whatever people choose to do with their lives, nothing is served by completely severing the ties of communication. Without communication there will be no understanding--a fact that I'm learning with my family the hard way. But for the first time in a long time, I'm truly hopeful.

One last thought from Fiddler on the Roof:
Villager: An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.
Tevye: Very good. That way the whole world will be blind and toothless.


*If you're pissed because you took either of these paragraphs to mean either that I don't value the LDS Church's rights to free exercise of their religious beliefs or that I don't wholeheartedly support equal rights for gays, maybe you need to find a new blog to read. Seriously, what I'm saying may not be easy to hear, but it's important that BOTH sides get over their knee-jerk reactions, spend a little time examining their own biases, and come to the table in a spirit of mutual respect. So there. Suck on that, bizatches!