So here's a brief (not brief) run-down of what we're gonna do...weather permitting...or maybe we'll just brave the rain anyway.
Wednesday, Sept 30
11:59 PM- take off for NYC. The Red Eye. Just like the movie except with more sleeping and fewer creepy bad guys, I'm hoping.
Thursday, Oct 1
6:29 AM - Arrive at JFK Airport groggy but enthusiastic. Collect our baggage (I've instructed mom that if it doesn't fit in her carry-on, she can't bring it) and hop the Air Train and Subway to the city.
8:00 AM (ish) - Drop off our bags at the hotel...tell them we'll be back around 1:00 and beg them to let us check in early. Then find some breakfast.
9:00 AM to Noon - The weather looks iffy for the weekend, but Thursday should be nice. Hopefully mom will be up for a walking tour. I'm thinking Central Park.
1:00 PM - Back at the hotel. Whether or not they let us check in early, I'm gonna park mom there and go solo to see...
2:00 PM - The matinee of A Steady Rain!!! Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig read the phone book for 90 minutes and the crowd goes wild! Wait...no...I'm told it's actually a good play, but for all I care they COULD read the phone book for 90 minutes and it would be worth what I paid for my ticket in the nosebleeds. (I swear my ticket actually says "nosebleeds" on it.) I'm not gonna say exactly how much it cost, but let's just say Hugh and Daniel are splitting a buck a minute on me alone. Totally cheaper than a 900 number AND it's Bond vs Wolverine! What could be better?
3:30 PM - Head back to the hotel. By this time, mom should be checked in.
3:31 PM - Pass out. I'll be running on 4 1/2 hours of airplane sleep. Gonna be tired.
#:## PM - Wake up and take mom to dinner. Somewhere touristy. Maybe. Whatever it is, it's gotta be fast because I'm gonna sleep as long as I can and we've got the evening show at
8:00 PM - Shrek - the Musical! My mother's first Broadway musical. Ever. EVER! Cheesy, catchy, fluffy, heartwarming, and LOADS OF FUN. Can't think of a better introduction to big splashy musicals that she won't be offended by.
10:30 PM - (or whenever Shrek is over) Talk mom into dessert then go back to the hotel and crash. Long day. Need strength for tomorrow.
Friday, October 2
Current weather forecast - Occasional showers possible. Highs in the upper 60s and lows in the low 60s.
8:00 AM - Take mom to Central Park. Obviously we didn't have much time at all to see stuff there, so we're gonna spend the morning dodging the rain. Bring an umbrella.
Noon - Grab lunch and drop mom off at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. "Mom, the Met is something that you need to experience for yourself. I wouldn't want to rob you of that. Byeee!"
1:00 PM - NYMF show #1 - Fantasy Football: The Musical? A "bromantic musical comedy"? Hmmm... No matter, Christine Pedi is in it so that's all I care about.
4:00 PM - (insert Edward Kleban's "Fridays at Four" here...good song...google that shit.) NYMF Show #2 - Fat Camp. (giggle) That's all. I'm hoping it's a 90 minute musical. But in case it's not, I'll give mom directions to get from the Met to Studio 54. Yeah, THAT Studio 54. Of course it's a theatre now. And guess what's playing there?
7:00 PM - Wishful Drinking - Carrie Fisher's 2 1/2 hour one-woman show about...well Carrie Fisher. What could be more exciting for mom's second Broadway show! Here's a taste:
9:30 PM - stagger out of the show wishfully drunk (AKA sober), put mom in a taxi back to the hotel and...
10:30 PM - The Cure - NYMF Show #3. According to nymf.org:
In this rock 'n' roll fable, two friends stumble across the world's last surviving vampires. Offered the chance to live forever, one man is seduced while
the other barely escapes with his life, setting in motion an even greater fight
for survival. At the crossroads of humanity and immortality, lies...THE CURE."
Dun dun duuuuunnnnn! Okay, it's intriguing. But even more intriguing is the
list of the show's "themes" on nymf.org:
Hmmmm....A romantic sci-fi drama about gay sex? A sexy sci-fi romance about gay drama? A romantic gay having dramatic sci-fi sex? WHO CARES! I'm soooo there.
THEMES: Gay, Sex, Drama, Romance, Science Fiction
12:00 AM - (or thereabouts) Back to the hotel. Crash.
3:00 AM - freaky gay vampire nightmare
Saturday, October 2
Current weather forecast - Showers. SHOWERS??? Well that messes with my plans. I was gonna take mom down to ground zero and then out over the Brooklyn Bridge. Hmmm...Monday's supposed to be better. Maybe we'll do that Monday morning. Grrr. Maybe I shouldn't have been so excited to see A Steady Rain. Curse you Hugh Jackman and your weather-controlling charm!
9:00 AM - Sleep in. It's raining.
10:00 AM - Tell mom if she's bored, read a book. It's raining and I'm sleeping.
11:00 AM - Fine. I'm awake. Let me hop in the shower and we'll go get some brunch. That's breakfast for people who slept in until 11 am.
2:00 PM - Mom's third Broadway show: Next to Normal! Okay, this isn't her cup of tea, but she doesn't drink tea and I talked it up so much that Mom is actually excited to see it.
4:30 PM - Explain to mom that yes some people do use that many "F" words and that the bright bright lights were part of the show for a reason. Then trek through the rain to Rockefeller Center.
5:00 PM - Top of the Rock. Ooooh...look at all the pretty clouds! This is what New York City looks like from the other side of the rain. Okay maybe I'll have to re-think this one. Hopefully it's just scattered showers because I'm gonna give her detailed instructions on how to get to New World Stages (See that street? You can wander Rockefeller Center and look at all the cool stuff until 7:15 PM. Then get on that street and go past Radio City Music Hall. I will call you when my show is out.)
7:15 PM - Call mom. "Where are you?...What???...How did you get there? Well turn around and head the other direction. I'm coming to get you."
8:00 PM - Altar Boyz "No mom, these boys aren't Mormon. No, they're not a real boy band. They're actors. For crying out loud Mom, 'Christ how'd ya do that' isn't taking the Lord's name in vain."
9:30 PM - Mom admits that beside the sacrilidge she actually did enjoy Altar Boyz. Take her back to the hotel and reassure her that Next to Normal and Altar Boyz are actually more fun than the Saturday sessions of General Conference.
10:30 PM - NYMF show #4: R.R.R.E.D. - a secret musical with special celebrity guest star Former Miss America and Current Broadway Star Kate Shindle! Really do I need to say anything else?
Sunday, October 3
Current weather forecast - Rain. Seriously, more rain? It's "The Lord's Day"...can't he do something to make the weather pleasant? Urgh.
9:30 AM - The Guggenheim Museum. "It's practically like going to church, mom. Besides, it's still General Conference weekend. You can read EVERYTHING you missed when you get home."
1:00 PM - Mary Poppins. No, I'm not going. Mom's doing this one solo. Besides, I have tickets for...
3:00 PM - Hair. Now THAT's a church I could get into.
3:30 PM - Mom gets picked up by the daughter of a friend who's living in the area. They watch General Conference. Which is fine as long as they get back in time for
7:00 PM - Ordinary Days. Okay, I'm REALLY excited for this one. It's the Roundabout Underground...a little off-off Broadway series presented by Roundabout Theatre Company in the 65 seat Harold and Miriam Steinberg Theatre. This show is by the amazing Adam Gwon (he has a podcast with some of the songs on it and I must say...they're delightful!) Plus the cast of four includes Hunter Foster, Kate Wetherhead, Lisa Brescia, and Jared Gertner.
9:00 PM - NYMF show #5: Judas and Me. Now I'm sure it won't be as exciting as my recent brilliance as Judas in Oddsmell...er...Godspell but I can go and be respectful. Kidding. I'm "Pee Excited" for this show. Seriously. Depends City. I may have to be fitted for a catheter. I'd tell you what it's about and who's in it, but I might lose control of my bladder right here and now. Click the link and drool for yourself.
Monday, October 5
Current weather forecast - Fair/Partly Cloudy. Perfect weather to do everything outdoorsy in New York City. Go outside. Have fun on Mother Nature. Frolic in the lovely autumn weather. WTF??? We're flying home today and NOW the weather cooperates??? Well don't tell anybody but we're flying out at 7. Soooo I'm gonna use the day to catch up on all the stuff we missed. Ground zero/Brooklyn Bridge? Totally there. We'll check out, stow the luggage at the hotel, and just wander till 2 or 3.
7 PM - wipe a tear, we're coming home.