Play nice, dammit!

Yesterday, in a press conference, Equality Utah took the first truly productive step in the Post-Prop 8 debate. They asked the LDS Church to stand behind its statements about fundamental rights of same-sex couples and support proposed measures to extend those rights to same-sex couples in Utah. Bravo, Equality Utah! (For specifics, go to www.equalityutah.org or click here for a full transcript of the press conference.)

Since the passage of Prop 8 I have been incredibly disheartened by the anger and the name-calling and the calls for retaliation (as in "Let's have the LDS Church's tax exempt status revoked!"). I see nothing productive in such behavior. Quite the contrary, being argumentative and vindictive only solidifies the opposition, and it tends to drive away those who haven't "taken a side" yet.

Yes, we're hurt. Yes, we want someone to blame. Yes, the LDS Church's financial support of the measure was hugely disproportionate to it's actual presence in California. Yes, it's completely unfair. And yes, the LDS Church is a really easy target. But we're not kindergarteners, squabbling over who gets to play in a sandbox. Kicking dirt in each other's eyes accomplishes nothing.

So after a heartfelt conversation on the subject, a friend pointed me to this article in The Huffington Post, which really sums things up well. It was nice to know someone else shares my views.

And then Equality Utah had it's press conference. At last, I thought, something productive from the gay community. Move past the protests and find a way to work with "the opposition" to make much-needed changes. Then, in the reader responses to the Salt Lake Tribune and Deseret News articles, Equality Utah is being accused of trying to "draw them in to a politically charged environment that they have no interest in and would only serve to hype the gay agenda further." The detractors are implying that the church leaders' words are being twisted to further causes that hurt the church.

Seriously?

I mean SERIOUSLY?

Everybody automatically jumps to the conclusion that Equality Utah is trying to twist the words of the LDS Church for some agenda that undermines the blah blah yadda yadda blah…

To BOTH sides of the argument: Why does it always have to be “Us versus Them” in EVERYTHING. How the hell are we supposed to accomplish anything without working together. Otherwise rational people sit on either side of the aisle, basking in their own self-important righteous indignation, thumbing their noses at the opposition, and then they honestly expect the opposition to simply cave in. WTF??? Let’s force our venom and our disdain for the opposition’s heart-felt beliefs down each other’s throats and see where it gets us.

I'm so sick of all this bullshit. (Pardon the expression, but you did click the "I understand and wish to continue" button on my content warning page.)

To the LDS community: You claim to be Christians? Start behaving like real Christians. Not the televangelists, I mean the people who genuinely try to act like Jesus. The statement "we love our gay brothers and sisters" sounds so hollow when everything you do is in an attempt to deny them basic human dignity. Regardless of the genuine concern you feel in your heart for all mankind...when you say "I love you, even if I disagree with you" and then you actively work time and time again to strip gays of over 1,300 federal and state rights that the marriage fairy magically bestows on any straight couple who haphazardly says "I do"...do you really think anybody can hear the "I love you" over your actions?*

And to the gay community: You claim to be open-minded and accepting? How about actively practicing that by accepting the Mormons. If you honestly believe you're entitled to free exercise of your values, you have to give that right to everyone else...even those who disagree with you. ESPECIALLY those who agree with you. Your rights to free speech and freedom of religion aren't worth a thing if you can't give those rights to someone whose beliefs are in direct opposition to yours. And until you grow up and stop behaving like a children, throwing temper tantrums every time somebody does something you don't like, you'll never get out of "equal marriage rights time-out."*

Like it or not, we have to live together, with all our diversity of opinion. Personally, I think that's actually a good thing. It's been said that our diversity makes our nation strong, and I believe that's because of our ability to bring our differences to the table and work together for the common good. It breaks my heart that so many people are angrily storming away from the church over this issue. But that's their right. What truly saddens me is that the form letter that's been written to facilitate withdrawal from the church ends with this sentence: "After today, the only contact I want from the church is a single letter of confirmation to let me know that I am no longer listed as a member of the church," effectively cutting off communication.

Whatever people choose to do with their lives, nothing is served by completely severing the ties of communication. Without communication there will be no understanding--a fact that I'm learning with my family the hard way. But for the first time in a long time, I'm truly hopeful.

One last thought from Fiddler on the Roof:
Villager: An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.
Tevye: Very good. That way the whole world will be blind and toothless.


*If you're pissed because you took either of these paragraphs to mean either that I don't value the LDS Church's rights to free exercise of their religious beliefs or that I don't wholeheartedly support equal rights for gays, maybe you need to find a new blog to read. Seriously, what I'm saying may not be easy to hear, but it's important that BOTH sides get over their knee-jerk reactions, spend a little time examining their own biases, and come to the table in a spirit of mutual respect. So there. Suck on that, bizatches!