Saturday, February 21, 2009

Best Facebook status update ever...

Saw this on facebook. "Depends" moment of the day.

Christopher is wondering why he has been killing himself at auditions when he is currently in a show that shows no signs of clothing.

Christopher is currently performing in the off-broadway musical, Naked Boys Singing.



(BTW, I know he's not in the above picture, and the illustration seems redundant given the title of the show. Still any excuse to include gratuitous nudity on my blog...)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Just when you thought there was no hope

Go Salt Lake County!

S.L. County OKs adult-designees' benefits

By Jeremiah Stettler
The Salt Lake Tribune
Posted:02/17/2009 06:51:00 PM MST

For nearly two decades, David Turner has watched his colleagues provide their families with health insurance. But he couldn't do the same -- not even when his partner battled prostate cancer.

Why? Because his employer, Salt Lake County, wouldn't offer benefits to same-sex partners.

That's about to change. The County Council voted 6-3 on Tuesday to extend health insurance, dental coverage, extended funeral leave, life insurance and a variety of other protections to unmarried partners or other "adult designees" of county employees.

The vote is a political triumph for Democratic Councilwoman Jenny Wilson, who has fought feverishly for same-sex-couple benefits since taking office in 2005. She has argued that a more-progressive approach to health care and other job perks would reduce turnover, increase productivity and save long-term medical expenses by offering more expansive preventive care.

"The winds have changed," Wilson said, "I hope not just the political winds, but the winds of reason and fairness on this issue."

All five Democrats voted for her measure, along with Republican newcomer Max Burdick, who said the council's decision shouldn't be based on personal judgments about race, religion or sexual orientation.

But the move remains unsettling for other Republicans, who fear that it will erode the traditional family by recognizing, through legal status, an alternative to the husband-wife relationship.

"The principal foundation of our society, of our country and of our neighborhoods is the family," Republican Councilman Jeff Allen said. "As we start to attack it from different angles, we can, over time, denigrate it."

Despite those fears, the measure comes as a long-awaited step forward for Turner, who oversees senior-center programming for the county's Aging Services Division. The county's health-care coverage finally will reach his partner of 19 years, Marlin Criddle, who has shouldered sometimes-burdensome medical bills and avoided preventive care because of the price tag of private insurance.

"In this country," Turner said, "we should be covering as many people as we can with health insurance."

Wilson's plan -- which the council must adopt by a formal, and largely ceremonial, vote later this month -- will cost the county an estimated $275,000 a year.

It will unlock benefits for employees' adult designees -- a term that applies to any friend, family member or domestic partner who has lived with the county staffer for at least a year and demonstrated financial co-dependence.

While same-sex partners undoubtedly will benefit from the program, so, too, will unmarried heterosexual couples such as Dan Roper and Emily Fifer, who have lived together for three years while Fifer pursues a master's degree in fine arts and modern dance at the University of Utah.

Roper, meanwhile, has worked as a full-time program coordinator at the Magna Fitness and Recreation Center.

The two aren't yet ready to marry. But that could spell trouble this spring, when Fifer graduates and loses her school-sponsored health insurance. While the couple want to tie the knot sometime after graduation, Roper said, "We don't want to be forced on marriage by insurance."

Under the adult-designee program, they won't have to.

Salt Lake City adopted a similar setup in 2006, which officials suggested could include up to 96 employees at a cost of $225,000. Last year, Utah's capital had 63 people enrolled. The bill: $183,000.

The county's initiative comes during a high-profile push for gay rights on Utah's Capitol Hill -- an effort that so far is winning headlines but losing key votes.

Not so in Utah's most-populous county, with passage of Wilson's adult-designees' measure.

"I'm glad we are moving into a new dawn in Salt Lake County," Democratic Councilman Joe Hatch said.

"It's fantastic," added Will Carlson, Equality Utah's public-policy manager. "With gay and transgender people being pushed out of rural Utah, Salt Lake County is willing to welcome them. And we appreciate that."

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Buttars and another rant

Chris Buttars is a douche. No, it's not polite to call people names. He's behaving like a paranoid infant with too much time on his hands. Someone in the Utah State Legislature should give him something to do. As it is, he's busy protecting traditional families from his own equivalent of radical Muslim druggie prostitutes: homosexuals. (No doubt he meant to offend the radical Muslim druggie prostitutes when he compared them to gays.)

His latest diatribe appeared on ABC 4 a couple nights back and garnered a lot of media attention. (Here's a link.) I'm frustrated. I've tried to be nice, and this blog has been a great place to vent, but as I recently said, I simply don't know that I care about being nice anymore.

The thing is, given the zeal with which Chris Buttars and Gayle Ruzicka (et al) pursue their anti-gay agenda, I've started losing my tolerance for differing viewpoints. I like to think of myself as level-headed and tolerant, but lately I've had a hard time getting beyond my anger at the lies and hypocrisy. It's so frustrating because everybody on both sides of the issue takes it so personally, when at the bottom of it all, it's just a tiny percentage of the population is actually affected. It's so infuriating! I want to shake my fist and say "If you don't like gay marriage, don't fu*king get gay married!" People are so worried that their way of life is being destroyed by some nebulous gay threat that they're willing to viciously trample the basic rights of their gay brothers and sisters.

"But if gays can share insurance coverage, what will I tell my children?" Okay, that's a little much. How 'bout, "But if gays can visit each other in the hospital, what will I tell my children?" Nope...still rings of the ridiculous. "If gays can be treated like human beings..." Laughable. "If homosexuality becomes widely accepted, what will I tell my children?" Frankly, I don't care...in an ideal world you would tell them it's perfectly okay, but since you won't say that, tell them whatever you want. Tell them gays are space aliens with impeccable taste. Or tell them nothing at all. Just don't stand in the way of fairness!

Buttars keeps claiming gays are asking for "special rights." That's bullshit. Political rhetoric pandering to the uninformed, nothing more. Frankly, I think every gay employer or landlord should fire their straight employees and evict their straight tenants. See how that feels. If sexual orientation isn't a class protected from discrimination, then if I were a gay landlord or employer, I think I'd be entitled to discriminate based on the fact that people are filthy "breeders." I certainly wouldn't want heterosexual perversions happening in a residential property I own. Goodness knows, I would lie awake night thinking about the disgusting things they're doing in the privacy of their rented bedrooms. And those employees who openly flaunt their heterosexuality in my place of business don't deserve the right to their perverse self-expression, much less their privacy. I've got a reputation to maintain! I don't want my good name associated with that kind of debauchery. So the moment I found out, they'd be out on their pervert asses.

Does ANY of this make sense? At all? When did protection from arbitrary eviction or employment termination become a "special right?" Spousal insurance benefits, wrongful death compensation, hospital visitation rights...how the hell are any of these "special rights?" Under current Utah law, I can be fired or evicted not based on actions, but based solely on who I am. I could be a model employee and tenant, but none of that matters if my employer or landlord thinks I'm gay. I have no right to job security. I have no right to be judged based solely on my performance as an employee. The fact that someone suspects I might be gay is cause enough to end my employment and make me homeless. Does anyone still wonder why people are pissed?

The settling of the Salt Lake valley came about, in part, because of vicious religious persecution. The Mormons fled Illinois and Missouri for their lives. People openly challenged the validity of LDS marriages, and the infamous "Mormon Extermination Order" was on the books for nearly 150 years. The LDS people are no strangers to persecution. Yet so many good LDS people stand idly by while vocal religious zealots persecute an already maligned small segment of the population. I know there are good Mormons out there. I know this personally. Intensely compassionate, fair-minded individuals who helped shape my life into what it is today. People I'm profoundly grateful to every waking minute. So here are a couple things to think about:
  1. If you're not gay, denying basic human rights to gays will most likely affect you MUCH more than extending extending them. Gays amount to 2-3% of the population. If all of them married, which they won't, it's still an almost negligible fraction of the population. And when basic human protections are extended to the gay population, your taxes won't change, your ability to marry and live your religion won't change, and contrary to popular belief your family won't crumble. But when we classify any group of people as second-class citizens by denying them equal recognition under the law, the door of discrimination gapes wider. And who knows, maybe someone who hates you might just draw up a constitutional amendment invalidating your family. So really, what's the consequence of supporting gay rights? Well, you may have to explain to your children why those two men are holding hands in the park or on TV. Trust me, it's not the most difficult conversation you'll have with your children. Besides, it's called PARENTING. You made the babies, be a parent!
  2. If you simply sit by and let Chris Buttars and Gayle Ruzicka be the vocal spokespeople for the LDS views on gay rights, everybody in the world will think all Mormons are that repulsive. You're not. I know it because I know you. And you know I'm not a radical muslim druggie whore terrorist threat to anyones traditional family and society as we know it because you know me. So open your mouth! Tell your senator you think the words and actions Chris Buttars and Gayle Ruzicka are repugnant and that you don't support their hateful agendas. Write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper explaining how you're a good Mormon and some of your closest friends are gay and that you hope their families can enjoy the same legal protections yours does.
When it boils down to it, this issue IS about the destruction of families. But not your family. It's about the destruction of mine. That's all.

Lisa and I were discussing the situation today. Here’s what she said:
The thing that bothers me is it is the radicals, on both sides of this, that are being heard. Not the people who actually want to come to an agreement and understanding. It's not people like you or I. It's the people who can't see either side that are speaking for everyone. I can't stand that.
It's like when there is a national disaster or something tragic in the news...who does the news interview? The one moron who has nothing important to say and can't tell his ass from his head.
In the disaster that is the 2009 Utah legislative session, I take comfort in the mental image of Chris Buttars in ratty overalls acting out "the one moron who has nothing important to say and can't tell his ass from his head." (No offense to the good hillbillies of the world.)

So go back and listen to his interview with THAT in your head. It’s infinitely more entertaining.


P.S. A couple links:

The ABC 4 Article
The Salt Lake Tribune Article

Monday, February 2, 2009

Put Up or Shut Up

To the well-meaning opponents of same-sex marriage:

Last fall you effectively blocked a basic human right in California. You invalidated the right of same-sex couples to legitimize their relationship in the form of civil marriage. I'm not going to get into separation of church and state issues or setting aside enforcement of one set of religious beliefs on people who believe differently here. Those are subjects for another blog...or several more blogs.

Instead, let me tell you a little about what can happen to long-term unmarried couples.

My roommates celebrated their seventh anniversary in October. In those seven years, they've each payed taxes at the "single" rate because they weren't and couldn't get married. A similarly married couple would have payed significantly less in taxes because the state gives joint filers a substantial discount.

Until a person is 24 years old, they are required to report their parents income on their federal educational financial aid applications. While there are several exceptions to this rule, the simplest is marriage. When a couple is married, they become exempt from this requirement and automatically become more eligible for federal student aid. Sadly, because my roommates couldn't get married, they ended up postponing their education because of funding difficulties. A similarly married couple would have qualified for grants and subsidized student loans simply because they're married and don't have to report their parents' income.

In the event of an accident, if any of their parents disagreed with their "lifestyle choice", that parent could bar his or her son's partner from his partner's hospital bed. Seven years of commitment, unprotected by government sanction, dissolved by a capricious parent. Marriage would have automatically bestowed hospital visitation rights as well as significant life choices in the event a partner becomes incapacitated.

A close friend of mine just bought a home with her partner of nearly four years. If the home is listed in both of their names and one of them suddenly died, the surviving unmarried partner would have to pay significant taxes on the portion of her home that she inherited from her non-legally-recognized spouse. Frequently this financial burden is extreme enough that the surviving partner loses the home. Yet married couples enjoy the benefit of tax-free inheritance. The estate passes to the surviving spouse, free from tax liability.

If a same sex couple has children, by whatever means, employers in the state of Utah aren't required to provide insurance benefits to the unmarried spouse. And because unmarried couples can't adopt here, yet single individuals can, employers have no legal obligation to insure the children of an unmarried spouse either. So the only option is for both parents to work, leave the children in day care, and pay higher insurance premiums because each spouse has to have his or her own policy.

In many states, joint adoption by same-sex couples isn't legal. (In places like Utah single people can adopt but have a hard time doing so if they're honest about their sexual orientation.) Numerous couples plan their vacations around these states to make sure they retain custody of their legally adopted children. Better to vacation in Oregon than go to Disney World and run the risk of having your children taken away from you.

The state of Utah doesn't protect GLBT people from employment or housing discrimination. This means that if your employer or your landlord finds out you're gay, you may be fired regardless of your job performance or evicted even though you're a model tenant. Ironically, this could go both ways. Personally, I think every gay employer and landlord in the state should fire all their straight employees and evict all their straight tenants, just to show how ridiculous it is.

While many of these issues are directly related to the fact that same-sex marriage isn't sanctioned by the state or federal government, most people agree that gay people do deserve basic human rights. In fact, during the Proposition 8 debate in California, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (one of Prop 8's most vocal proponents) repeatedly made claims that the church is not "anti-gay" and "does not object to rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights." On November 5th, Elder L. Whitney Clayton stated the LDS Church does not oppose "civil unions or domestic partnerships."

In response, Equality Utah extended the hand of friendship to the Church and penned its Common Ground Initiative. This initiative is being presented to the Utah State Legislature during the 2009 legislative session in hopes of securing some of the basic human rights that the LDS Church "does not object to."

We may not agree about same-sex marriage, but if the Church doesn't oppose hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, probate rights, or (gulp) domestic partnerships, maybe we can settle on that for now. Yet in the 81 days since Equality Utah announced its attempt to reach across the aisle, the church has remained silent. They fervently worked to stop gay marriage, paying lip service to basic human dignities that gay people deserve, then refuse to get involved when BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS are brought up. This isn't marriage. It's fair housing. It's not "undermining the family". It's job security. It's not "open rebellion against God". It's basic human dignity. And yet the church remains silent and its vocal members viciously attack.

There is nothing Christ-like about the efforts of Gayle Ruzicka, Chris Buttars, The Eagle Forum, The Sutherland Institute, or the host of religious "family-oriented" organizations to demonize homosexuals and strip us of rights. And, no offense intended to my family and friends who are active members of the LDS Church, but the Church's silence is tantamount to endorsement.

Apparently it can vocally support measures that strip gays of rights, but when it comes to making good on its positions regarding fair treatment in every-day life, the Church is content to wallow in hypocrisy, letting the rabid zealots do its dirty work.

Well I'm done with it. I've tried to be kind and understanding. I've tried to fairly listen to both sides of the argument. But no more. Frankly, I can't imagine how these people can behave like they do toward their gay "brothers and sisters" and still claim that they love them. When a person actively works to prevent the basic human dignity of another, that's hate, plain and simple. We love all God's children, we just don't agree with what they do...so we'll enforce our own narrow-minded dogma on them till they all commit suicide. (Did you know Utah has one of the highest suicide rates among gay teens in this country?) I've tried to be sensible. I've tried to be respectful of other people's beliefs. I honestly DO understand where they're coming from. And it's all bullshit. They're wearing me down. How am I supposed to be nice when all that comes from the "moral opposition" is bile in the name of God?

So here's my challenge: Put up or shut up. If you truly believe that gay people deserve basic rights, write your senator. Utah has a constitution that defines marriage as between a man and a woman. No law or "judicial activism" is going to change that. So the argument that giving rights to gays is a "slippery slope" toward gay marriage is bullshit. The church and its membership needs to get involved. You worked so hard to get Prop 8 passed on a platform of "we don't object to 'rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights'" so make good on it! Write your senator, write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper, talk to your friends and neighbors. Take the zeal you had for passing Prop 8 and work with the same zeal to secure the rights your church "does not object to" for your gay brothers and sisters...or reveal yourselves and your church hypocrites. Put up or shut up. If you can't support fairness for the gay brothers and sisters you claim to love, then at least get out of the political arena. You spit in our faces and then, when we extend the hand of friendship, would you spit on that too?

Again, I don't mean to offend. But I'm offended. And yes, I'm trying to deal productively with it. So maybe I do mean to offend. Now take that offense, study up on the issues, and deal productively with it. Now go write your friggin' letters!


For more info on Equality Utah's Common Ground Initiative, click here. And for a snapshot of the hurdles the initiative faces in the legislature, check out this editorial in the SL Tribune. And for a quick look at the opposition, click here. Here's another great link from Equality Utah.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Thoughts on Adoption by Same-sex Parents - from John Corvino

Okay, it's been a while since I've stolen a good article and just dumped it here. I ran across this one today and thought it was worth sharing. (Click the title for a link to the original article.)



Corvino: The truth about gay adoption


I don’t have children, I don’t want children, and I don’t “get” children.

Some of my friends have children. I like their children best at two stages of their lives:

(1) When they’re small enough that they come in their own special carrying cases and stay put in them.

(2) When they’re big enough that they don’t visit at all, but instead do their own thing while their parents do grownup stuff.

In between those stages, children tend to run amok, which makes me nervous. My house is full of sharp and heavy objects. I did not put them there to deter children—honest!—but I am more comfortable when children (or their parents) are thus deterred. It’s safer for everyone involved.

Having said that, I admire people who have children. I have a flourishing life largely because I was raised by terrific parents. When others choose to make similar sacrifices, I find it immensely praiseworthy.

Which may be why opposition to gay adoption makes me so angry.

Mind you, I am not by nature an angry person. Regular readers of this column know that I go out of my way to understand my opponents. Rick Warren compares homosexuality to incest? Well, what did he mean by the comparison? What was the context? What’s motivating him?

Attack gay parents, however, and my first impulse is to pick up one of the aforementioned sharp and heavy objects and hurl it across the room.

That’s partly because these attacks criticize adults who are doing a morally praiseworthy thing. And it’s partly because the attacks hurt innocent children, toward whom I feel oddly protective, despite my general aversion.

Back in November, a Miami Dade circuit judge ruled that Florida’s law banning gays from adopting is unconstitutional. This is very good news.

The Florida ban took effect in 1977, the era of Anita Bryant and Jerry Falwell. We’ve come a long way since then—or so I’d like to think.

Yet the Florida religious right is trotting out the same old arguments, repeatedly insisting that having both a mother and father is “what’s best for children.”

Let’s put down our sharp and heavy objects for a moment and try addressing this calmly.

Every mainstream child health and welfare organization has challenged this premise. The American Academy of Pediatrics. The Child Welfare League of America. The National Association of Social Workers. The American Academy of Family Physicians—you name it.

These are not gay-rights organizations. These are mainstream child-welfare organizations. And they all say that children of gay parents do just as well as children of straight parents.

But let’s suppose, purely for the sake of argument, that they’re all wrong. Let us grant—just for argument’s sake—that what’s best for children is having both a mother and a father.

Even with that major concession, our opponents’ conclusion doesn’t follow. The problem is that their position makes the hypothetical “best” the enemy of the actual “good”.

Indeed, when discussing adoption, it’s a bit misleading to ask what’s “best” for children.

In the abstract, what’s “best” for children—given our opponents’ own premises—is to not need adoption in the first place, but instead to be born to loving heterosexual parents who are able and willing to raise them.

So what we’re really seeking is not the “best”—that option’s already off the table—but the “best available.”

What the 1977 Florida law entails is that gay persons are NEVER the best available. And that’s a difficult position for even a die-hard homophobe to maintain.

It’s difficult to maintain in the face of thousands of children awaiting permanent homes.

It’s difficult to maintain in the face of gay individuals and couples who have selflessly served as foster parents (which they’re permitted to do even in Florida).

It’s difficult to maintain in light of all the other factors that affect children’s well-being, such as parental income, education, stability, relationships with extended family, neighborhood of residence, and the like—not to mention their willingness and preparedness to take on dependents.

What the Florida ban does is to single out parental sexual orientation and make it an absolute bar to adoption, yet leave all of the other factors to be considered on a “case-by-case,” “best available” basis.

Meanwhile, thousands of children languish in state care.

For the sake of those children, I resist my urge to hurl heavy objects at the Florida “family values” crowd. Instead, I ask them sharply and repeatedly:

Do you really believe that it is better for children to languish in state care than to be adopted by loving gay people?

Those are the real-world alternatives. Those are the stakes. And our opponents’ unwillingness to confront them is an abysmal moral failure.


John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays on 365gay.com.

For more about John Corvino, or to see clips from his “What’s Morally Wrong with Homosexuality?” DVD, visit www.johncorvino.com.

Friday, January 30, 2009

The Story of My Life - a new musical

The Story of My Life is a new musical that's scheduled to open on Broadway next month. I stumbled across the show quite by accident -- first in the form of a bootleg audio recording of the Toronto production and then I came across the composer's demo.

The show is a simple, sweet, and heartfelt exploration of the friendship of two men who met in first grade. More strikingly, the music is phenomenal. Neil Bartram and Brian Hill have created a moving story with some of the best tunes you'll hear on Broadway. From the clever and sweet "Mrs. Remington" to the profoundly moving "The Butterfly Effect" and "My Father", the score is fresh and often sublime.

Sadly, I think jaded New York audiences (and definitely New York reviewers) will find the show corny and in this economic climate the show will probably fold after a couple months of mediocre audiences. I hope I'm proven wrong. The amazing cast of two (Malcolm Gets and Will Chase) and small nine-piece orchestra may help keep production costs to a minimum...which may help the show hold on. But these are tough economic times, especially for commercial theatre, and even more so in a city where the theatre industry is driven by waning tourist trade.

If nothing else, I sincerely hope the score gets recorded. This is one musical destined to be a favorite among small theatres across the country.

For more info check out the official website: http://thestoryofmylife.com

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Memorable Quotes...

Lisa forwarded me a list of heartwarming things I've apparently said over the years. It's no "nom, nom, nom" but enjoy nonetheless...
  • You're my anti-depressant. Therefore, you've got a legal obligation to keep me happy.
  • Just doing a mental striptease for my adoring imaginary fans.
  • Next time on The Brandon Show...Brandon gets a new box of pens!
  • Sexyback, nothin! Brokeback is where it's at. Take that Justin Timberlake!
  • (nutmeg gives you herpes)
  • I'd have stayed in the clink
  • So here's the question: do I room with the boring gay guy or the fun straight guy? I already dismissed the tranny.
  • Boo, you torte tart
  • you were always such a smart little whore
  • What the hell is a bizzle?
  • Kiss my monkey ass. I meant kiss my ass, monkey...but either way...
  • Sometimes when I'm being fondled I ask that they wait a minute so I can go change into my bathing suit to see if it's inappropriate. But then I realize that I swim naked...so it's impossible to tell.
  • Suck on that, peasants!
  • It's definitely a fake. No self respecting bus stop would allow itself to be used as butt-floss.
  • It just occurred to me, if the elves don't want to get hit by the poisoned darts, they should get out of the friggin' way!
  • I type all my passwords with my elbows. That way even I don't know what they are.
  • Tell her you'll kick her in the katits if she doesn't button it.
  • Meh...maybe I'll get into emotional S&M.
  • Bazactly. Or is it peezactly?
  • "Mawwaige...such a piece of cwap..."
  • (whooza cute puppy...whooza cute puppy...)
  • I can offer you a bisexual asian who likes to cuddle at 2 am and gets blowjobs from his coworkers...
  • gay people don't make babies. Eww.
  • Oh, I like to drink. Just not alcohol. It makes me feel pukey and head hurty. If I could get the buzz and the lousy judgment without the side effects, I'd totally be there!
  • Yeah, his junk is not placed properly.
  • Make sure your ASSbestos is covered.
  • As a cat-loving closet lesbian (coincidentally of French-Canadian origin), I must take offense at some of your unwarranted snarkiness, but I do agree that Céline Dion is one big dreadfully annoying bizatch.
  • Another thought: Perhaps flies are the ultimate practical jokers. Besides babies and mice of course. If the purpose of a practical joke is to make someone look foolish for everyone else's amusement, then I submit that flies, babies, and mice are the holy trinity of practical jokers and the rest of us can only look on in awe.
  • Thanks for saving me from years of health and happiness. Now I'll forever be alone, sick, and miserable like all the cool people.
  • Having thoroughly examined your spider bite via the magic of the interweb, we at the National Center for Spider Bite Identification, Treatment, and Occasional Pronouncement of Fatalities are convinced that you won't survive. Warmest regards, Reinhold Snotweiler
  • You know, if the Electric Blankets of the world didn't discriminate against bedwetters, I'd totally use one.
  • I'd vote for Barack Hussein Osama bin Biden before John Mussolini Dahmer Hitler McInane.
(bows deeply)

I'm not a bad person...

...at least I think I'm not. But for some reason, every time I hear "nom, nom, nom" I dissolve into fits of hysterical laughter.

(Pretend there's an image here, but realize I'm not gonna steal from my best friend's blog.)

Maybe I am a bad person. Still, it's impossible for anyone who enjoys their wedding cake THAT much to do so without spreading the joy.

You had me at "nom, nom, nom."