For a couple days the big headline was "how many houses does John McCain own?" John McCain's answer: "Me not know." Okay, I paraphrased there. The Obama camp would have you believe that this is an indication that McCain is "out of touch" with the average American. Maybe it is. Maybe he is. But does Obama really need to stoop to McCain's petty brand of politicking? Maybe he does. I really hate that in this country the person who wins is the person who successfully smears his opponent the worst. We're a country of bullies pushing each other into mud puddles.
But back to the subject of John McCain's memory. I'm not concerned that John McCain can't remember how many houses he has. I'm more worried that he might not be able to remember where they are. One night, you're just drifting off to sleep when you hear a knock at the front door. It's John McCain.
You: Senator McCain, what are you doing out so late...and in your pajamas?
John McCain (a la Cookie Monster): Me not know.
You: Senator McCain, are you lost again? Do you need me to help you find your house?
John McCain (with a blank look): Me like cookies.
Cut him a little slack, America. John McCain isn't out of touch with the American voting public. He's just senile. Still, despite eight years of evidence to the contrary, the White House is not an assisted living facility.
Okay, I'm kidding. John McCain's old. Ha ha ha...there now, that's out of our system. (mirthfully wipes a tear) This blog entry was supposed to be another rant about dirty politics and how the Obama camp seems to be easing into the pool. But then Obama announced his running mate and McCain's Out-Of-Touchiness slipped out of the picture. Barack Obama, in what can only be called an attempt to broaden his appeal among young voters, announced that his articulate, bright, clean, and nice looking running mate would be Senator Joe Biden (age 65.) I for one, think it's a great idea. Obama, not being a senior citizen himself, needs a test dummy for his medicare/social security policies. A lab rat, if you will. Okay, I'm not really sure where this is going. I was envisioning Obama's lab rat cabinet, with their cute little hamster wheels and rat mazes...
So Obama announced Biden as would be his running mate and a shrewd John McCain delt a decisive blow to the Obama campaign. From www.johnmccain.com:
In 2005, Biden Even Said He'd Be Honored To Run On The Same Ticket As John McCain. Comedy Central's Jon Stewart: "You may end up going against a Senate colleague, perhaps McCain, perhaps Frist?" Biden: "John McCain is a personal friend, a great friend, and I would be honored to run with or against John McCain, because I think the country would be better off -- be well off no matter who..." Stewart: "Did I hear, Did I hear with?" Biden: "You know, John McCain and I think..." Stewart: "Don't become cottage cheese my friend. Say it." Biden: "The answer is yes." (Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" 8/2/05)
Wow. John McCain watches the Daily Show??? Wait...no...that wasn't my point. Barack Obama totally poached John McCain's prom date!!! I'd be pissed. Reading the list of Obamaphobic Bidenisms on www.johnmccain.com, I'm convinced that the McCain camp is either desperate for dirt or (as I've previously asserted) JOHN MCCAIN IS SENILE. Seriously, what a juvenile attack.
"Pssst...hey Becky...did you hear that Joe called Barack articulate? Yeah, and now they're going to the prom TOGETHER! I'd be sooo embarrassed. Besides, Joe Biden's prom dress is strapless. Does he honestly think he can pull off strapless? With his figure? O.M.G."
I think most pressing concern about an Obama/Biden ticket is that this is another obvious (to any redneck) clue that the Barack has terrorist ties. Definitely. I mean, we've already established that Obama is PRACTICALLY Osama. Now he's running with Biden? Well throw in an apostrophe and Bi'den is just a contraction of BIn laDEN. See?
Damn, I hope the country is smarter than that. But mark my words, some anti-Obama right-wingnut with too much time on his hands is going to photoshop a nice OBAMA BInlaDEN campaign button and soon everybody with half a brain (and no more) will be wearing them. The good news is that way we'll be able to recognize the morons from a distance.
Now, on to the REALLY important matter: State-sanctioned torture.
I think that if we're still in the business of torturing suspected terrorists, Pierce Brosnan's vocal tracks in the new Mama Mia film could very well be the most effective means of information extraction. I know if I was shut up in a dark room and forced to hear him sing, I'd spill the beans on ANYTHING.
1 comment:
Oh my gosh, the most important part of that blog entry...the Pierce Brosnan vocals...I completely agree with you! 100%!!!
As for Obama BinLaden, well, I think it would be friggin' hilarious if he really was a plant from Al-Qaeda! Bravo, terrorists...bravo!
John McCain and his counting senility? Well, it's not exclusive to the old white dude. Obama couldn't remember how many states there are in America. I know, I know, it changes practically every minute, so it'd be impossible to have an accurate count.
All in all, I don't think the politicians should bash the other. They're all idiots anyhow, so it's only a matter of time before they each make fools of themselves.
As for the rest...well, I have a headache now. It's an election year headache.
You know, like when your significant other gets an erection and you are too tired so you feign a headache? Well, when there is an election...I have a headache. Maybe tomorrow night, honey.
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