Third Grade Gay

Don't be a douche...

Four Liters...

I got a free t-shirt today for buying three 20 oz diet cokes. I bought three diet cokes because this morning on my way to work, right after buying two diet cokes at the University Bookstore, I noticed that if you buy three you get a free t-shirt. So after lunch (which consisted of a burrito and a 32 oz diet coke) I dropped by the bookstore to get my t-shirt...and three diet cokes.

Lets do some math:
2 x 20 oz = 40 oz
+ 32 oz = 72 oz
+ 60 oz (3 x 20 oz) = 132 oz

According to sciencemadesimple.net, 132 fl oz is 3.9 liters...

NEARLY FOUR LITERS???? I'm drinking too much diet coke.



P.S. They didn't have the t-shirt in my size. Not to worry, with all the diet coke I'm drinking I'll fit in my new t-shirt in no time! Ironically, the slogan on the t-shirt: "Not wasted"

I voted today

For Obama, of course. And while I kinda feel like my vote for Obama was just flushed down the Utah toilet, I feel like I made the right choice. And so does Opie:

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Seriously, who could argue with that?

In other news, I just ran across mormonsformarriage.com. What a refreshing look at the Prop 8 debate in California...and from an LDS perspective too!

Dirty Laundry

I brought my dirty laundry to work. No, I won't be asking the costume department to wash it for me...though that would be cool. It's just easier to swing by the laundromat on the way home. Besides, in a duffel bag, it looks like I'm going to work out when I'm off.

Best Advice on the Web

I am pleased to introduce the best, dare I say, ONLY place I get my advice:

http://askanyoneever.blogspot.com/

That is all.

Actual Transcript of Sarah Palin interview

(lovingly borrowed from K.M. Breay at open.salon.com)

OCTOBER 2, 2008 3:51PM

Transcript Of Palin - Couric Interview

Katie Couric - Thank you for being here, Governor Palin.

Sarah Palin - I'm all about being here.

Katie Couric - Are you and John McCain in favor of this $700 billion bailout?

Sarah Palin - I'm totally in favor of supporting the troops. My son is a troop.

Katie Couric - Right. But I'm asking about the bailout proposal for Wall Street.

Sarah Palin - You sure are. You betcha.

Katie Couric - So are you in favor of it?

Sarah Palin - Reform needs to be in the Wall Street. Not just sittin' on the curb of Wall Street. We need it in the middle of the street. Like a dead squirrel.

Katie Couric - Can we afford to give tax breaks to the wealthiest Americans right now?

Sarah Palin - Well, what do you mean by tax breaks? Like on a car? Those kinds of breaks?

Katie Couric - Less taxes.

Sarah Palin - You know, I'm really into the Bush doctrine. I'm like, supporting it.

Katie Couric - In the event that something were to happen to John McCain, are you ready to step in and be president?

Sarah Palin - I have the steadiness to be steady. I'm getting in there and really doing it. Not just not doing it. I'm not going to be like 'hey, presidency, talk to the hand.'

Katie Couric - But are you ready to become the leader of the free world?

Sarah Palin - Totally. I will totally lead the world. Any world. I will lead Mars or whatever too if those guys need a world president. Or just a Mars president. I took on the ole' boys club in Alaska and I can take it on in Mars.

Katie Couric - But I'm not asking about being president of Mars.

Sarah Palin - But I am answering about being president of Mars because a president person needs to be prepared for anything. I like to reform.

Katie Couric - I understand you only just got a passport last year.

Sarah Palin - You know, I was in Idaho for my friend Amber's wedding a ways back. Lemme tell you, Katie. We American taxpayers have a lot more in common with other countries than we think. There were Budweiser beers cans at that Idaho wedding. And Hot Pockets too. Those pizza flavored ones. Yummy.

Katie Couric - Wait, are you saying that Idaho is another country?

Sarah Palin - I'm saying they have Hot Pockets just like us. Pizza ones even. It's called 'the globalization.'

Katie Couric - But let me get this straight because I think it's important. Is Idaho another country?

Sarah Palin - You know, I'm not going to get into that right now. I think American men and women and men are focused on solutions. Not what's a country or what's not a country. Some places aren't countries. They're just things. And that's ok. Do you know the difference between a country and a thing?

Katie Couric - I'm not sure I do.

Sarah Palin - Hot Pockets.

Katie Couric - And finally, where will you and John McCain take this country?

Sarah Palin - We are going to take it somewhere really nice. A nice place where all American taxpayer people will totally be like 'hey, hello, this is really nice.'" And then we'll take it from that really nice place and over to a nicer place, a super duper nice one. More super duper nice than my cousin Marge even. And the American taxpayer people will be like 'hey, this is a super duper nice place. More than Marge even.'" Reform.

Katie Couric - Thank you, Governor.

I will follow me....wherever I may blog....la la la...

I just noticed that while I'm following a number of blogs, and have shown my utter support by subscribing to each and every one of them, NOBODY's following me. That's right! Nobody! Mind you, "following" a blog is different than reading to it or linking to it. You have to set it up under "Blogs I'm Following" or just click on the "Follow this blog" link in the blog (mine appears under "Who reads this crap".)

But don't worry, I don't feel unloved...even though my thousands of adoring readers are obviously too embarrassed to attach their names to my blog. To salve my fragile ego, I've decided to follow my own blog. Now whenever I post something new, I see it pop up in my list of new posts in the blogs I'm following and I know there's something worth reading. And whenever I look at the empty space on the right side of my blog, my picture is there.

Me: Sigh...it's good to know I'm loved.
Me: Why, thank me!
Me: I'm welcome.
(big emotional solo hug)

P.S. To entice more diligent blog readership, I've included a little hangman game up at the top. Play the game...read the blog...purge...play again... It's a little like the blog version of bulimia!

Thoughts on friendship

Today is the tenth anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard. It seems odd that the name of someone most of us never met could evoke so much emotion. So today I was going to write about hate crimes.

In trying to find the right words, I recalled an e-mail conversation (or twelve) I had with Lisa a couple years ago during a unit on hate crimes in a theatre literature class I was taking. I didn't find the e-mails I was looking for. But I did find a plethora of thoughtful, entertaining, deeply moving, and goofy exchanges between me and my best friend. All I can say is thank God for the blessing of friendship. In all the randomness of our daily interaction with the other people bouncing around the world, who could guess that a couple lunatics who irritated each other in a cinder block bank drive-thru would, eight years later, be best friends. I think the despair.com demotivator says it best:



Thanks Lisa.

As for hate crimes...I'll have to blog about that tomorrow.

Top 10 Reasons Brandon is Ignoring/Avoiding Lisa

10. He gave Lisa up for Lent.
9. Friends with benefits isn't health insurance. Who knew?
8. There once was a man from Nantucket...and how distracting is THAT!
7. Got in a poo flinging fight with Shatzee. Had to shower. A lot.
6. Ever notice how "six" sounds like "sex" if the person who's saying it is lazy? (giggle...lazy sex.)
5. Franks and Beans! No kidding. Don't get it? Go watch "There's Something About Mary". Long story short (no pun intended), it's something that'll take you out of commission for at least a week.
4. The 80's called. They wanted their over-the-top slapstick humor back. Brandon had to return it.
3. Got caught up in the trial of the century. You know. OJ Simpson. It's big!
2. Donated my heart to a dying school teacher. It killed her. Hiding from the police. "You'll never take me alive, coppers! Mnyah!"

And the number one reason Brandon is Ignoring/Avoiding Lisa is...

1. I'm not friggin' ignoring you OR avoiding you. I love you and wouldn't dream of it. (Also I fear you and wouldn't dare.)

What kind of friend...

...does THIS to her best friend? I am aghast.


(shakes head in despair)


Perhaps she's related to Sarah Palin's daughter?

So THAT'S what it means!

Who knew Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was an STD?

Best blog ever...

I've found one of the most insightful blogs ever written. I followed it for, well, years. So sad that the brilliant author has decided to retire it.

http://bdsuisse.blogspot.com/

Oh, what memories.

(Click here for the second best blog ever.)

Traditional family values...

'nuff said.

I nearly died today

No, this isn't an exaggeration. The route back from my lunch break today took me across University Street. Being the long-time pedestrian I am, I usually stand at the crosswalk and wait for traffic to stop before crossing. Bus drivers are incredible at seeing pedestrians and stopping (go bus drivers!) and today was no exception. The driver of the bus approaching the crosswalk saw me, stopped, and motioned for me to cross.

As I passed the bus into the second lane of traffic I heard a deafening honk and froze. It took a moment after the chaos had passed to realize what happened. An inattentive driver in a blue minivan had swerved from behind the bus into the inner lane and punched the gas. Seeing the catastrophe about to happen, the bus driver honked, stopping me in my tracks. Too late to stop, the driver of the minivan saw what was about to happen and swerved into the oncoming lane of traffic, barely squeezing between an oncoming car and the pedestrian in the walkway--me. The minivan sped off and quickly darted down a side street and out of sight. Shaken, but unscathed, I finished crossing the street. And then the realization dawned on me: Had a vigilant bus driver not honked, I would have been hit and possibly killed this afternoon by an impatient, inattentive driver who was speeding through a crosswalk.

My point is twofold.

First, to the UTA bus driver: Thank you for saving my life today. It probably sounds melodramatic, but I'm truly overwhelmed as I write these words.

Now, to the impatient drivers out there: is the fifteen seconds you're hoping to shave off your commute worth the life of another human being? Seriously, you could have ended my life today.

As I sat down at my desk, still rattled from the experience, I imagined a young mother pulling her minivan full of kids to the side of a residential road a few blocks from the university. In my mind I saw her rest her head in her shaking hands as she tried to control her emotions, and soundlessly mouthing a small prayer of thanks for sparing the lives of her kids and the guy in the crosswalk today. And I choked back a tear.

Maybe we both learned something today.

It has come to my attention...

...that I'm not posting enough "original material" on my blog. No, the Originality Police aren't stalking me. And no, I'm not being given a failing grade from my College Blogging 1010 professor for violating some code of academic conduct. Nothing so extreme. I was just informed by a friend (or a little voice in my head...I find it so hard to tell the difference these days) that maybe my loyal reader(s) would enjoy something original. Something fresh.

And to you, loyal reader(s), who wants something original and fresh, I say:

WTF? Kristin Chenoweth leading a musical intervention isn't original? Tina Fey hemming and hawing as Sarah Palin isn't fresh? Just because it isn't MY originality, doesn't mean it's not entertaining! Besides, if I share what I like, isn't that a window into my soul, gentle reader(s)?

Well fine! For those of you who don't like your blogs pickled and stored in granny's canning cellar, in honor of Daniel Radcliffe's opening in Equus on Broadway, I won't post a link to The Onion's review of the Franklin Elementary School's brilliant 2006 production of the same play. Nor will I, in honor of the CD release of Jason Robert Brown's new musical 13, post a link to a very cool song which JRB put up on HIS blog.

No, consider this an original post. I shall discuss current events, while refraining from political banter. Here goes:






























Whew, that was exhausting. I hope you've learned your lesson.

In other news, the economy is in the toilet. Had you heard? Maybe you haven't heard, but it is. So, in a show of solidarity, I scampered off to Wall Street and bought 600 shares of the cheapest stock I could find. Well, not the cheapest. I'm not gonna buy "penny shares". No, I played the nickel slots. And what did my $30 buy me? Washington Mutual! Lucky me! Kidding. No, I bought shares in a media conglomorate...and then for good measure, I bought 10 shares of AIG, which promptly ate everything in my portfolio. So while Stephen Colbert is drying his eyes on Lehman Brothers stock, I'm wiping my butt on AIG!

That is all.

Let the unoriginality resume.